I met the friendliest cop last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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