how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
