Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
