I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sobbing to NWA
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
