All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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