My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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