pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
