well I can't set my house on fire every night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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