The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
