Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize