you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
