Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
