Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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