so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
