her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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