Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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