So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
