Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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