every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
