Kiss
Puke
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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