I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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