I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ok first of all what the fuck
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
