What did we do last night that was yellow?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
