Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
