Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
