OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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