Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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