They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
