Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
