I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
