So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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