I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I enjoy the company of your penis
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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