I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bring me that man meat
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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