You smell like stripper and shame
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
