...so i touched it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
