Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
