I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
