Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
