I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
