Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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