Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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