The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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