I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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