I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
