she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
