i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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