I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
