her vagine was all disorganized.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
