I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
