Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Welp...herpes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
