Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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