Where is the hickey?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
