I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
