I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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